Life Goes On

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There is a part of me that wanted to offer an apology for the ‘meltdown’ post (the one before the last): this blog IS meant to give hope and positivity after all, not to add to sorrow. But I decided against it.
While I will do my best to try to educate and inform people about this illness from (my) positive perspectives, I will not shield anyone from the realities of the situation. And one of such realities is that occasionally this is surreal to me, I am overwhelmed, and I break down, and I cry.
I cry when I feel trapped in a situation I cannot control, when I have to get up at the crack of dawn to join a queue, for a treatment/ consultation that may take 4 more hours to come
I break down when I am unable to afford treatment
I am overwhelmed when I have something like a cough or a pain in my chest, etc, and I realise that due to this illness it might not be a cough or a pain in my chest, etc.
I break down because I will never really enter into relationships platonic or otherwise the same way as other non-infected people.

But that’s all once in a while.

Everyone has their own issues, that’s the way God made the world. So I know that just as the attendant issues of being HIV+ affect me, something else affects someone else. We must not dwell on it. We have been allowed our burdens for a reason. My life is to help remove at least one of the reasons that would someone in my position cry. I am committed to that. As a result, I must allow myself to feel the pain and then wipe my tears and move on. When my strength is gone, that’s when I turn to God for His.

This is me moving on.

I feel the need to say to you ‘Please don’t give up/in’. A lot of the time the major battle is in the mind; how you perceive things or how you are forced to see situations. Things can and will change. Hold on. I know I am.

Love+Light+Tambourines

Joie

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3 responses »

  1. Yaaaayyyyyy, we are back with a bang. Please, there’s no need for any apology. It’s your space and you are allowed to be you.

    In the midst of all your challenges, just like you pointed out there’s someone somewhere who’s drawing strength from you. Someone who sees you as the light in their tunnel. Someone who says if Joie is still standing , then I too will surely overcome.

    You taking us through your ups and down goes a long way to show that you are human. Just imagine how it would feel if we come here and all your post is just so “breezy” , as though its all “the dream life” .

    Thank you for sharing your life journey with us.

  2. I dont think you owe an apology for anything. I think writing this blog is therapeutic for u and if you cant rant to your shrink then who can you rant to?

    What is most important is that you maintain an outlet to let it all out; the good, the bad and the ugly. It cant be all rosy and life is a roller coaster. You should be as comfortable sharing your lows as you are your highs.

    Your story is ministering to people in ways that you cannot imagine. What is most important is that YOU ARE STILL HERE!!!!!! I cannot even explain the kind of respect that I have for you. You will continue to figure your situation out, inch by inch.

    Salam.

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